Rehab Tales
by moonmythology
Summary: Kelly diagnoses Shepard with a case of PTSD and gives her several writing assignments. Mild Shenko. Sequel to Eulogy: A Love Story
1. Prologue

**A/N:** This is a sequel to Eulogy: A Love Story. While I'm not done writing that story yet, I figured that it would be great to start this now. All of this is in Aida Shepard's perspective and it will cover ME2. Kaidan won't be in this story that much, but he is still quite central to this story.

I don't know anyone with PTSD. I have only read about it. So I hope I will do it justice here. Any advice on how to depict someone with it will be most welcome.

**Prologue**

_I've seen a dying eye _

_Run round and round a room _

_In search of something, as it seemed, _

_Then cloudier become; _

_And then, obscure with fog, _

_And then be soldered down, _

_Without disclosing what it be, _

'_T were blessed to have seen._

-Emily Dickinson

It all starts and ends with you.

People say that life flashes before your eyes when you die. I can say that it's true.

As the Normandy was engulfed in flames and I was fighting against gravity and for air, I saw bits and pieces of my life, both sad and happy ones. Time seemed to slow down. I remember Mom and Dad, Ashley and old friends long gone. I remembered being happy at the idea that I would see them again.

But then, I remembered you. I remembered moments: you singing silly love songs, you sneaking roses into my room, you sneaking a kiss in the corner when no one's watching and me trying unsuccessfully to say how much I love you.

I wished we had more time.

I wanted more.


	2. Nightmares

**Chapter 1**

**Nightmares**

_I felt a funeral in my brain,_

_And mourners, to and fro,_

_Kept treading, treading, till it seemed_

_That sense was breaking through._

-Emily Dickinson

Kelly says that I'm crazy. Literally. According to her, I am displaying some symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Sure, I get the occasional nightmares of me getting tossed into space with no air, of the Normandy exploding, of me getting chased and almost burnt to death by Batarians, of some old friends getting eaten by thresher maws, and of Reapers setting worlds on fire, but really, I am fine. I deal with that stuff every day.

Dreams are just dreams. Sometimes, life is harder, especially if one has been dead for two years.

Only yesterday at the Citadel, people and consoles still think that I'm dead. Whenever people see me, they stare at me like I am some ghost. Reactions could vary from utter joy (Shepard you're alive!) to terror (Oh shit! I thought you were dead). If I get more of those, I am going to do a Monty Python song and dance number:

_I feel happy! I feel happy!_

_I am not dead yet_

_I can dance and I can sing_

_I am not dead yet_

_I can do the Highland Fling_

_I am not dead yet_

_No need to go to bed_

_No need to call the doctor _

_Cause I'm not yet dead._

That should get people's attention.

People have moved on and I am still here.

I admit: I came to the Citadel to find someone. I needed to see him.

Anderson tried to help. He defended me from the Council (who by the way also think I'm crazy) and got my Spectre status back. But I could tell that he was a bit disappointed because I joined Cerberus. I hate disappointing him. He couldn't tell me anything about Kaidan.

I guess "classified" is the new word for "mind your own business."

Everybody tells me that Kaidan has moved on.

I can't get reinstated as an Alliance officer while I'm with Cerberus. As far as they're concerned, I am either a deserter, a terrorist or both. Part of me feels like I have lost another home. In more ways that one, the Alliance did give me a home after Mindoir. Their rescue team got me out of the wreckage and sent me to homes. Because I didn't have any money and I couldn't get into a decent college, the Alliance gave me something to do. For the past ten years, the Alliance has given me everything.

That's okay. I am not new to the idea of losing a home.

Everybody has moved on, so I have to move on.

The best part of this is that the galaxy still needs me. That is why I'm still here. If the galaxy needs me to become a criminal so that I could save it, I'll be a criminal. At least I know that I'm needed.

I am not sure if Kaidan still needs me. If he doesn't need me anymore, then I will have to work on not needing him. I cannot be distracted by just one guy no matter how wonderful he is.

So you see, living is harder. Sometimes life can be one's biggest nightmare.


End file.
